“Damn it, Amazon: SHIP THIS CRAP ALREADY!”
It’s a mantra for many right about now, I’d assume, and your humble blogger is certainly one of them. Is it partially my fault for being so late to the spending frenzy? No, not at all! I ordered this stuff LAST WEEKEND, blast it! That’s FIVE WHOLE BUSINESS DAYS before Christmas Eve – why aren’t these frigging elves who fill the smiley-face boxes working faster? They can rest in February, for fuck’s sake! Bluster! Screaming! Per-blickety arrggggghhhhhhhhh!
Of course I do know better; the irony is not lost upon me that I (a) worked Christmas Retail in a brick-and-mortar store for nearly a decade, and (b) I sound just a weensy bit like what I always despised in that role. So it’s time to take a step back, breathe for a minute, realize that (a) Amazon guarantees this stuff will be at my door by Christmas Eve at the latest, and (b) even if it isn’t, so what? It’ll still be loved, as will I. Ahh, that’s better. How about some Holiday music, then, now that we’re all calmed down? An excellent idea; one of the great things about being a few years removed from retail is that I’ve really begun to enjoy Christmas music again this year. Hell, I’ve even got some on my iPhone right now. Here, then, is a personal favorite, presented in two distinct versions – something for every mood, kinda:
Into the Christmas vibe / Cheesy:
Showing your true colors / Snarky:
The smartest among you will, of course, watch both.
And the dumbest among you – by which I mean me – will now go check your email inboxes to see if THAT STUPID SHIPPING NOTICE IS THERE YET. If you’ll excuse me….