At first, not much: list after list of the usual fruitcake/awful
sweater/outmoded technology suspects. In
fact, the whole thing was beginning to look like a blind alley until I clicked
"next photo" on my tenth gallery or so and suddenly found myself face
to face with this asshole:
Dear residents of Brooklyn: the game is over. Take your horn-rims, argyle sweaters,
ill-fitting collared shirts and Salvation Army turntables and crawl the fuck
back home to the suburbs. None of you
will ever be the biggest hipster douchebag on the block now. Look: you all fought the good fight. Brought your lunch, did your best, and your
parents will be somewhere in the vicinity of proud. Still, the war is now officially,
unequivocally over. We have a winner, or loser, depending on your
perspective.
Seriously: what the
fuck is that?! I realize that I'm
f-bombing all over the place in this post, and I also realize that swearing is
often considered a poor substitute for wit, but honestly: what other sort of
fucking reaction am I supposed to have to something so pathetically fucking
stupid? I mean, really: how did that
conversation with his buddies go?
[Dope:] "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna wear a bunny suit like that kid in
A Christmas Story to the Skillet concert.
Then we'll totally get the chicks!"
[Stupid Friend:] "Fuckin' A, Ralphie. Pass the bong."
At least I hope to god that there was a bong or a keg or a something involved in this plan. Because if this was a sober decision, then
natural selection isn't being nearly fucking selective enough.
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