Dear Griswold Alley:
I think that the time has come for us to put our cards out on the table. I don't know why our relationship has taken such a rough turn in the past few weeks, but I can certainly tell that you no longer wish to be seen in public with me. When it's just us alone, we seem to have as much fun as ever...but the second the camera comes out, or the second I invite a couple of my friends along with us, you vanish quicker than talent in the Kardashians' gene pool.
Certainly this shyness is something new for you. When we first met you shone brightly, lighting up not just the room but the whole neighborhood with your electrifying personality. Now, I'm left with just the quick, momentary flickers of a relationship that is losing its luster. I'd hate to see things end this way between us, given the bright sparks that we enjoyed for such a long time together.
Perhaps it's partially my fault. Maybe I should never have taken that picture of Sharon, and then posted it on the internet for you to find. I'll admit that it wasn't the brightest decision that I've ever made, but I never really thought of you as the jealous type before. Live and learn, I suppose.
I think there's still time for us. I know it's a cliche, but I think we should give it one last try. Pull out all the stops, put on the biggest, most public display that we can. Flip that switch and shine as brightly as you're capable of, would you? Don't just do it for me; do it for you. Do it for us. Do it for the children. Do it for the Con-Ed workers depending on those bonuses this month. Do it...for Christmas.
But mostly do it for me, because I've built this thing up like hell in this series, and I'm beginning to feel like I'm just hangin' in the wind here. The dark, dimly lit, highly unspectacular wind.