Ground shipping
deadline! Order now or arrive empty
handed! Whip out your credit card right
this very minute, or you might as well send the kiddies to school in
Nanuet! Free expedited shipping, since
your lazy ass didn't bother to conspicuously consume before now: would you
please buy something already?
I swear to Rudolph on high, the last few times Outlook has
auto-checked my email, there have been at least four new messages each time
bearing some variation on the above.
Truth be told, most of my shopping is finished, save for a few items I
still need to grab locally. All of my
ideas are long since locked in, but in the interest of cheap yuks, let's take a
gander at what's being hawked hourly in my inbox, shall we? Some of this stuff is downright bizarre.
Wait...shit...you
can't wrap pancakes? Well, there goes
Rhea's Christmas. Damn it, why doesn't
anyone ever tell me these things? (As an
aside, the "Hi, Will" salutation at the top is a nice touch. I feel so wanted!)
Ahh yes, so the petty criminals of the subway system know
exactly whom they've stolen the thing from.
It's the gift that never stops giving...to someone else.
Three guesses which of these discounts my particular coupon wasn't for. First two don't count.
In the interest of full disclosure, Newbury Comics is one of
my favorite stores on the planet, and it's probably a good thing for my wallet
that their closest location is a solid couple of hours away. That said, if you can explain to me what
novelty hats and vinyl records have to do with each other - and, here's the catch,
without using the word
"hipster" or a synonym thereof - you will win one fairly scratched up
Christopher Cross LP that I have absolutely
no idea why I possibly own. (You
pick up - the thing isn't even remotely worth mailing.)
Just white
t-shirts? Racists.
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