Remember our dear friend Harold Camping, the Christian radio mogul who just can’t seem to get his math right regarding the end of the world? I’ll bet you didn’t think we’d be discussing him again anytime soon, did you? Me either, but the link I’m about to send you to is truly extraordinary.
This is the website of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA, a work of mad atheistic capitalist genius. For a very reasonable fee of $135, these kind, godless souls will adopt and care for your domestic pets once you’ve been flown up into the sky to go and live with Jesus and his pals. They will take your left-behind doggie or kitten into their homes and love, feed, and care for them as their own, seeing as how neither they nor your pet are going to find themselves flying heaven-ward anytime soon anyway.
This is just utterly brilliant on so many levels. I love the fact that this particular fleecing of the flock actually provides a very real, if not exactly probably useful, service. That’s certainly more than Camping or his followers could have said for themselves prior to May 21st. I also love the fact that it ties into the idea that your pet could not possibly be raptured given that, according to most Catholic and Christian belief systems, animals do not possess souls. While there are many reasons that organized religion will never be my particular bowl of cereal, this is one of my favorites: just gotta preserve our supposed superiority to all other living things, don’t we o faithful ones? I have looked long and hard into the eyes of Casey, my parents’ beloved Labradoodle, on many occasions. I am utterly convinced, and will stand behind the notion, that if there is indeed such a thing as a soul, my best-est four-legged buddy has one and then some. No need to just take my word for it, though. Judge for yourself:
|The author and his friend. Try to guess who's who!|
Given this assertion, not to mention most of the other ones available on this blog, it is unlikely that I’ll ever require Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA’s services. Should the rapture actually occur, I’m pretty sure that I’ll find myself down here with the rest of y’all, and will be able to care for Casey myself. That’s fine with me, actually: between all the cute doggies and kittens and brilliant, laugh-out-loud funny writing like Eternal Earth-Bound Pets’ FAQ page, I’d say that those of us left behind won’t be particularly hard up for entertainment.