Thursday, June 23, 2011

It's Not a Coronary, It's DiGiorno!

"Daddy, why do the other countries call us fat?"

Watching TV for a few minutes last night, I saw a commercial for a product that made at least one of my chins hit the floor: DiGiorno Pizza and Cookies.  This is a real thing you can take home from the grocery store, folks, not something made up by a smartass parodist like myself.  Amazingly – and perhaps a bit sadly – this product is exactly what it sounds like: a frozen pizza that comes bundled with a tube of cookie dough.  After all, if you’re going to be bored for twenty minutes while your crap-fest dinner gets good and hot, why not multi-task your way into a complimentary crap-fest dessert?

As I’ve mentioned here and there on this blog, I’m not the kind of guy who’s ever really going to be skinny; between my bone structure and my desire to occasionally actively enjoy what I’m eating, I’ll probably always veer a bit closer to the “before” picture than the “after.”  These days, I do try to maintain a healthy balance, and I’ve been successful in getting myself in better physical shape than I had been previously.  There’s plenty of work left to do, but there’s also nothing wrong with a one burger/wings/etc. to fifteen Chicken and Broccoli meal ratio.  Long term success lies somewhere in that balance, folks: seen in the big picture, proper maintenance and overall enjoyment are both important factors in the quality of one’s life.

Personally, I’ll be passing on the Pizza and Cookies not because it’s ridiculous and unhealthy, but because neither the pizza nor the cookies offered are worth diet-breaking for.  If I’ve got a hankering for pizza, I live within twenty miles of New York City, pizza capital of the world, not to mention three miles from White Plains’ great Italian Pavilion.  Likewise, the cookies: Arthur Avenue is less than a half-hour away.  Take it from me, folks: if you’re gonna sin, you might as well have some standards.  That’s good advice anywhere it’s applicable in life.

Unsurprisingly, a quick Google search will find you plenty of voices in protest of DiGiorno’s new brainchild.  The one I linked above is relatively mild, actually; several that I skimmed briefly called for this product to be immediately outlawed.  Sorry, moral crusaders, but you lose again: as I said of McDonald’s in this post, the responsibility for your health does not lie in the hands of corporations offering products that they feel will prove desirable for customers.  Honestly, there are a million good reasons why you should be grateful for that fact.  The responsibility for the quality of your health rests solely on your shoulders.  By the time you’re old enough to at least pretend to be an adult, you should be perfectly capable of saying “wow, given the amount of crap I’ve shoveled in my face this week, maybe I’ll pass on the Pizza and Cookies for now.”  Likewise, the health-conscious couple standing in the supermarket who decide that they’ve had enough turkey burgers for one week and why not live a little for an evening should have every right to shovel in the Pizza and Cookies to their bowels’ discontent.

Obviously, it’s your life and your choice.  I’m hardly suggesting that Pizza and Cookies sounds like anything but a fun night in.  But, really, DiGiorno?  Come on, folks:  why not pick something less bland and at least have something to look fondly back on while you’re doing a double workout the next day in the hopes of whisking all those extra calories into the cornfield?

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